My Story
This is a personal story of depression told by an anonymous sufferer in the UK.
I am a 25 year old girl and I live with my father. My life is no less ordinary than anyone else's.
My mother passed away of cancer when I was only a baby which left my father with three girls to raise alone.
I haven't had a bad life as such, I have just always found it difficult to accept my mothers death and this has made me feel a lot of resentment towards family.
Paula and Sharon were almost teenagers when my mum died and they have all the memories some good and others sad, but at least they have them.
Growing up was difficult, my step sisters resented my dad for being their guardian and moved out as soon as they were old enough.
My dad had been the closest thing to a father that they had but my mum's death took it's toll on everyone and drove a wedge between them.
For a long time I thought that I had caused my mothers death - she was diagnosed with throat cancer when she went in to hospital for a cesarean section with me.
Then once I was born I was very underweight and quite poorly so I had to stay at the hospital, whilst my mum and dad were taken to Christies hospital in Manchester for full diagnosis and treatment.
She was told she could be cured with radiation therapy and that the cancer hadn't spread.
For the 10 months my mum received treatment my dad lived at Christies with her and I was looked after by the nurses at the local hospital where I was born. My nan used to tell me about the visits she would make once a day on the bus to come and feed me so I had some family around me.
Because everything happened so quickly, I had only the essentials at the hospital with me so the staff surprised my nan with a buggy so she could take me off the ward and around the hospital grounds.
My mum had an operation removing the majority of her wind pipe and replacing it with artificial tubing, which was what my family were told would save her.
Ater the operation and in every picture I have of my mum she is covering it up with a neck scalf; she was totally ashamed of needing the operation and having to breath through a tube.
Soon after the operation she started to deteriorate dramatically and lost her fight with cancer.
The pain is sometimes unbearable when I think of her and it makes me just want to curl up and die, but then I think of everything she went through for me to be here and I know it isnt what she would of wanted for me.
