Punishing myself for everything and anything i can
Today was the first time I have woken in a very long time and just wanted to never wake again.
I know this is a very strong thing to say and I am not seeking attention by admitting to this on my blog, but just for you to know how I feel inside.
My fear and regrets have come back to haunt me for everything bad I have done in my life and for every person I have ever hurt.
Looking on my depression as a punishment is quite normal in my eyes, I do believe in karma and the ever popular saying “you reap what you sow”.
Maybe that is my problem I feel I need punishing for something, but I cant quite put my finger on what?
Sometimes I just think this world would be a nicer place without me in it.
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July 1st, 2008 at 8:06 am
You just described what’s been going through my head for weeks now.
I keep trying to analyze my actions and trying to figure out what I have done in
my past to deserve all these negative emotions. I keep looking at happy people
wondering what it’s like to be them and what it’s like to wake up in the morning and just feel good for once.
I also view this as a punishment of some sort. You are not alone with this.
I keep wishing for a miracle to bring me out of this and I know it won’t happen.