Is it just thoughts or is it my intuition?
Recently I have found it very difficult to keep from feeling paranoid and uncertain about a certain aspects of my life.
When I feel this way it’s increasingly hard to function normally, those thoughts and feelings are always at the forefront of my mind.
It is hard to decipher weather this is a genuine feeling that could affect anyone or if it is solely anxiety related. I think if I knew this, then it would make a massive difference to the way I approach the situation.
Since I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety it is hard for me to trust my thoughts and feelings anyway, I often pass them off as being related to my illness. Maybe this isn’t the case and it is all normal; but it is near to impossible to tell.
I just feel like I don’t have control over my own mind, I never know what to think and end up behaving irrationally.
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December 1st, 2008 at 3:42 am
That’s a very hard dilemma to be in.
January 19th, 2009 at 5:00 am
Stay strong!
May 25th, 2009 at 3:43 am
I found that when I think about things endlessly, and I replay them over and over like little movies in my head…
…and my gut is all knotted and I can’t sleep or eat…
…and I know that black dog is going to pull me down into the big black hole…
… if I write down the movies in my head and get them out on the computer screen, they will lose their power and become words, blobs, passing away like the traffic before my eyes.
I too never trusted my thoughts. I couldn’t trust my decisions - I couldn’t make decisions.
I understand exactly how you feel.
Lots of love & courage.
December 6th, 2009 at 2:24 am
I find myself in a similar situation. I have always been the kind of person to think things through heavily and potenitally over-analyse things.
For many years I have had thoughts and feelings about different situations or aspects of my life (potential intuition perhaps?) that I have often ignored. Recently after a few radical changes in my circumstances have been forced upon me, I have found myself looking back at these feelings and realising that I was recognising things that were happening but continually passed them off as paranoia. The trouble with paranoia is that although by definition it is the suspicion that something or someone shouldn’t be trusted, there are times when that is actually the case!
I am starting to realise that I do have quite a keen sense of what is happening around me and in that past have chose to ignore this as I didn’t want to acknowledge the bad things and perhaps didn’t want to invoke change in my life but I need to start trusting in myself more. That doesn’t mean never trust again, on the contrary, I am probably one of the most trusting people out there as I know how genuine I am and often can reflect this onto others but I am slowly starting to listen to this sense more even if it is just to prepare myself for what may be the inevitable.
I have suffered from depression myself for about 6 years and it is only this year that I have realised just how bad my condition is. I am raging a constant battle with myself, suicidal thoughts and the ‘darkside’ of me that is held by the depression. But through realising that there are parts of me that are trying to instinctively protect me and trying to listen to this side of me more, I am sure that I will win in the end.
Over analysing or continually thinking is hard to deal with and can be exhausting at times, I know but as I say there are times when it is useful and don’t ever beat yourself up about it. I have some close friends and a counsellor that I talk to when things are getting too much for me and although in most cases they may not understand (particularly those that have never suffered from depression), I do find that it does help me even it it just gets me through the darkest times to allow me to go on and ‘fight another day’
One thing I have learned from trawling the nets as well, is you are not alone, there are people that do understand and are or have gone through exactly what you are going through and like me, are more than willing to help and lend an ear if that is what is needed, or can call on their own experiences to show how they coped.
I am not going to pretend it is easy and I know there are alot of people that don’t understand (my own father used to say depression doesn’t exist. He said it is all in the mind and I used to say (to the second statement), yes dad, that is the point, it is all in the mind but noone else lives there but you!!).
As I say, try not to over-obsess over the thoughts but don’t completely discount what may inevitably be something trying to protect you from worse damage and finally, always remember, no matter how it sometimes seems, you are never alone, even strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet!)
My thoughts and strength are with you.
Kevin