When I feel this way it’s increasingly hard to function normally, those thoughts and feelings are always at the forefront of my mind.

It is hard to decipher weather this is a genuine feeling that could affect anyone or if it is solely anxiety related. I think if I knew this, then it would make a massive difference to the way I approach the situation.

Since I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety it is hard for me to trust my thoughts and feelings anyway, I often pass them off as being related to my illness. Maybe this isn’t the case and it is all normal; but it is near to impossible to tell.

I just feel like I don’t have control over my own mind, I never know what to think and end up behaving irrationally.

I really don’t want to argue about these types of things and I want us moving out to be a good thing and not cause problems between us.

I have asked a couple of people about getting a house and did they find it stressful, did it cause arguments? I get the impression the general consensus is yes. But I don’t want this to become a negative thing for us I really don’t know what to do about this.

My partner says it’s me causing the problems due to the way I react to things, I don’t communicate with him properly. Obviously this leaves me feeling down and depressed and constantly questioning what I do and say.

I’m left thinking was he right when he said I caused this; Is it my depression or is it just the way I am?

He may be right and it could be me causing these problems but I feel it isn’t just one sided. It really frustrates me the way he doesn’t listen to what I say, like my opinions count for nothing unless he agrees with what I say.

I know I can be very opinionated and over react at times but it’s only because I care and I just want things to be perfect. Although this is something I am working on, I do want to be less uptight about things.

The more I think about the arguments we have had recently the more I think how silly they are, I need to be able to say what I feel though and not feel like I can’t out of fear for how he will react.

A lot of the time I find I am challenging myself to be better and deal with situations better, I just wish he would do the same too. I hate feeling like this is all about my journey, not because I want to share blame but he doesn’t seem to see his own flaws or how he may have fuelled the situation.

I feel that when we do have confrontation I am solely driven by emotion, I think this is because I get the impression he either doesn’t care what I think or just doesn’t respect me enough to listen.

A relationship in my mind is about two people who may not always agree but want to understand each other. You can’t have this without communication and being willing to listen and respect what each other thinks enough to listen.

I know that I love him and want to be able to communicate better with him but I do believe this takes both of us to work at it. People may say moving out is stressful but it doesn’t mean we have to accept that and follow the crowd.

But I do have some friends that I am a lot closer to than others, I think age does make a massive difference at times.

People can appear so mature but underneath you still find that learning curve called growing up missing.

It is very hard for me because if I made the decision to not associate with these people I call friends due to their somewhat obvious lack of maturity then I could end up without friends.

I feel as though I don’t fit in to any circle right now as I’m either not a parent or I’m older and don’t have the same reckless nature.

This is why I so very often feel alone in a crowd of people.

Its the sheer indecision that breaks me most of the time though, right down to what to wear or what to do.

Hours of my life are spent not knowing what to wear, often I get myself so worked up over simple every day tasks that it seems almost pointless leaving the house.

It isn’t fun going to see my friends anymore as I just dread that same day old problem what to wear, I end up breaking down amongst a pile of clothes on the floor.

Why can I not do the simplest of every day tasks without just crippling myself with worry and indecision.

Have you ever felt like you are talking to someone, yet they are only looking through you.

With every day I feel every which way.

Do you look at me, but see a shadow of the person I used to be.

Then I just find myself wondering is this the same for everyone or just for those with depression?

Maybe it isn’t about that at all, maybe it is just about me and the way I am as a person.

I know I can do things without him, and I know I am a remarkable person because of what I have been through and how much stronger I feel because of that.

Strength comes from within and I know I am able to be strong for myself, but I also know he will be strong for me too.

Maybe it isn’t that I depend on him, just I rely on him for certain mental support. I don’t know if this is a positive thing though or a negative thing.

I am certain we all rely on someone at some point for something, so this makes me feel less worried about my needs.

When I do feel I have nothing weighing on my mind I manage to talk myself into something becoming an problem, most of the time I just incessantly worry about what could happen. I can’t remember the last time I was carefree.

Things would be so much easier if I could pin-point what triggers my worry and anxiety, I hate that it’s a big part of my life.

I used to find that I would try to problem solve in my head but then I got to realising that it was a never ending circle. It’s hard to understand constant worry unless you have been through it, my friends think I’m a constant complainer and negative person.

Sometimes I do find myself envying others, those we all know who never have a worry or care in the world. I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to wake-up without a thousand and one things playing on your mind.

I decided to seek more medical advice after months of struggling with sleep deprivation, I was advised that sleeping tablets may be something that would help.

I’m a little apprehensive about taking tablets to do something as natural as sleep, what if I get addicted and I end up relying on them?

We all have times like this but I know when I’m doing it and yet I still carry on, it’s like I have no control over myself. It all starts with me analysing everything he says to me, then I end up thinking; why would you say that?

Nothing he says or does is quite right, its really unfair of me.

Generally it is all about the – Why. Why don’t you ever buy me flowers anymore, why don’t you tell me you love me without me saying it first, why does it always feel like you have a better time with everyone but me. A continuous vicious cycle.

I have tried to talk to him about me feeling like this, when I do I end up getting defensive or just repeating myself over and over again. Although you can never be certain, I do think the bigger picture here is my own low self-esteem.

Sometimes when I am having a really good day I still feel unappreciated, it makes me really sad. In an ideal world we wouldn’t have to say anything, the other person would just know and give you that physical or mental reassurance needed.

Men are funny creatures and most of the time they are blissfully unaware of what is important to us and why it is.

No one seems to understand why I would get upset today.

Even if I had achieved everything I wanted in the previous year, I doubt I’d be any happier about my Birthday. The older I get the more it haunts me and I wish everyone would just leave me alone so I can get through the day.

It would be lovely to be somewhere no one knows me and somewhere no one would care, then all those people around me wouldn’t even notice I’m there.