Depression Blog

When I am having what I would call a good day I still find it hard to focus.

Depression is the one thing I find it hard to take my mind off, Its a constant struggle for anyone to hold my concentration for any period of time.

Although keeping busy is a good way of fighting these thoughts it isnt the best way for me to switch off.

For years I have wanted to be able to have a proper conversation with people around me without loosing all interest and my mind wandering.

I used to get to the point where I would just look around the room or at anything but the person who was talking to me and occasionally I would find an excuse to walk away.

This is quite self destructive and I often found myself being referred to as rude which in turn made me isolate myself from the world.

Now I make that extra effort to hold conversations and not find I want or need a way out.

You see, it was all about my personal space; Id get to a point where I would feel invaded and need to get some space and room to breath.

When I know I am going into a situation where I will maybe have a conversation with someone I always without fail take a couple of big breaths before entering the environment.

Not only does this give me time to slow the sheer panic that takes over my body but it gives me time to adjust.

Depression often causes people to stand alone in one way or another and shelter themselves from those around them.

This is what I call the period of isolation and most sufferers have been through this at one point or another.

It is hard when you feel you want to hide from the world especially when you are mainly hiding from those you care about most.

I have spent days under my duvet just wishing the hours away, hoping this feeling would pass or that the struggle would end.

Whilst in this terrible place the only things I had any time for were my cat and dog, they used to come and see me and snuggle with me in bed.

This was the only love I ever felt in my darkness and the only thing that helped me step back out into the light.

These feelings can pass though, with a little determination and a lot of patience we can all get through this.

My saviours were my animals because we all need someone to live on for, who do you live for?

We can all find it hard to do those things we want to but finding the fear and challenging it could be the first step.

I choose not to do certain things because I am scared of either failing or beating my fear.

Panic attacks are a big thing for me and I know I have power over them to an extent however if I put myself in to a situation where I feel less then comfortable, then I am quite aware I may trigger the over whelming panic.

Fear is what drives me a lot of the time and I can’t help but feel like I’m trapped by it.

When I feel at my worse but I know I am going to push myself I take myself to somewhere I feel safe in my mind and I project all the negative thoughts into pictures.

Once enabling myself to do this I then picture them in frames and focus on them in black and white.

You can then reduce the size of the image in your mind and remove it slowly out of focus and eventually out of sight.

This is a very good way of minimising your stress levels and removing the thought from your mind.

I practise this on a daily basis to get the best results and within time you will feel the difference it makes too.

Recently there has been a significant rise in young women who have been misdiagnosed with clinical depression due to their premenstrual syndrome.

It is said that the psychological symptoms are very similar in both mental and hormonal patients, and unfortunately this makes the condition harder to diagnose.

The National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome have advised that women suffering from hormonal problems will usually start to be affected by these symptoms around a week before their period starts. The effects can then go on to last around 2-3 weeks, leaving approximately 2 weeks each month symptom free.

If you are unsure if you have been misdiagnosed then we recommend keeping a daily diary for a period of 3 weeks documenting your mood swings and emotions. You can then approach your GP with your findings.

I have found that from my personal experience that it can be difficult keeping a diary expressing your emotions. From experience, I would suggest that you mark your daily moods out of 10 and briefly detail your feelings such as how vulnerable you are feeling. If your finding that your forgetting to fill in your diary then it may help you to keep it next to your bed or by your make-up mirror.

Although anti-depressants can work for both conditions it is thought that they should be considered as a last resort for PMT as there are less drastic treatments that would offer similar benefits.

Sarah Jarvis from The Royal College of General Practitioners has indicated that a lot of women want a ‘quick fix’ and solutions straight away; due to this doctors often reach for the prescription pad.

If you are being treated for depression and have any doubts about your diagnosis then I would strongly recommend you take a daily diary as detailed above and then consult your GP with your findings.

When focusing on your fears you become more aware of them, once you are fully aware of your fears you can deal with them.

Don’t let fear hold you back, take control and pave your own destiny.

When I’m feeling particularly anxious and depressed I seem to choose this time to analyze my relationship with my partner.

Not only is this self destructive on my part but it causes a knock on effect and then eats away at the foundations of our relationship.

I talk about this now because I am going through it at this very moment, this is not just a reflection of the past.

Maybe this is the wake up call we all need at some point?

Every once in a while I hit the self destructive button and I change, not always towards my relationship sometimes towards my friends and my life style.

Recently I have come to realize my true friends aren’t around me anymore, they have moved on with their lives and I’m left with those who don’t really care about me.

The type of people you would get blind drunk with and not much else.

I have removed myself from that social circle now and all I am left with is myself and my partner, therefore I’m a little lonely and very needy.

Yes I can stop this behaviour, I know it will take time but I will learn to love myself again and find that confident form of grace I had about me.

At this very moment I have decided to make the change and I am doing what preparation is needed to find myself again.

I refuse to loose this fight and I won’t keep pushing him away, I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for.

We could all very easily dwell on the past and all our misfortunes.

But if we try to take a step back and appreciate that trying times affects every one and not just you alone.

I really do believe that every eventuality can be dealt with, why should your bad times rule you and become your life?

Sometimes life is hard and situations are out of your control, we all need to remember this is life and we can muster the strength to beat the sadness and anguish.

Look deep in to yourself and find the courage to overcome all obstacles in your path and then you will truly be in charge of your own destiny.

Last night in my dream’s I saw a picture I have always held close to my heart, only in my dream where I was sat the image was blurred. And the more I tried to focus on it the more I faded away.

My dream’s are often vague and the interpretations of them can vary, but this time it was quite clear I was almost no longer there.

It was like a warning for me to take a step back and think of what it is I want from life and if indeed I wanted to continue the struggle.

When I woke I was frantic and scared of what this could mean to me, do I really want to just fade away to nothing?

I have family who love me very much and a very understanding partner who has supported me through all the good and bad times.

Maybe if i just took some time to focus on me and what I want to achieve in my life despite the huddles i may have to overcome along the way.

Sometimes I have quiet moment when I choose to reflect on what has been before.

It is whilst thinking like this I become aware of turning points I have whilst stuggling with my illness.

When I first suffered from Panic Attacks I found there was no way out or of stopping the attack at all, I just had to ride it untill it was over having very little if any control over it.

Things are very different now, I feel I am aware when a Panic Attack is approaching and I start with talking myself through why I feel panic right now.

Then I start with the deep breaths and mentally I take myself to somewhere safe for me.

And if for some reason this does’nt seem to dull the panic then I would remove myself from the situation and take myself out of the room or building and talk the emotions through with myself there.

Everyone finds their own way of dealing with every obstacle they are faced with and what works for one person may not work for another but i can only hope that in sharing my struggle you may find strength to continue yours.

When I was first offered counseling like most people I found myself thinking but I am not mad or anything like that, I am quite sane I just don’t like my life very much and the way I feel alot of the time.

Little did I know then this would be the best thing that I could possible do for me at that moment in time.

Talking to a complete stranger and off loading everything and anything I felt negative about and just being able to talk to someone outside of my situation kept me sane.

After year I still revert back to counseling as and when I feel I need it, being able to talk to someone who doesn’t know me at all gives me great strength to be totally honest and not hold back on what I am feeling and thinking.

I call my councilor my sounding board and we all need one of them even if they are disguised as our parents, our friends or even our partners without knowing it we seek this in every aspect of our lives.