When I’m feeling particularly anxious and depressed I seem to choose this time to analyze my relationship with my partner.

Not only is this self destructive on my part but it causes a knock on effect and then eats away at the foundations of our relationship.

I talk about this now because I am going through it at this very moment, this is not just a reflection of the past.

Maybe this is the wake up call we all need at some point?

Every once in a while I hit the self destructive button and I change, not always towards my relationship sometimes towards my friends and my life style.

Recently I have come to realize my true friends aren’t around me anymore, they have moved on with their lives and I’m left with those who don’t really care about me.

The type of people you would get blind drunk with and not much else.

I have removed myself from that social circle now and all I am left with is myself and my partner, therefore I’m a little lonely and very needy.

Yes I can stop this behaviour, I know it will take time but I will learn to love myself again and find that confident form of grace I had about me.

At this very moment I have decided to make the change and I am doing what preparation is needed to find myself again.

I refuse to loose this fight and I won’t keep pushing him away, I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for.