Depression Blog

But why is it such an up hill struggle to be a happy person and think positively?

This is all about the way we have been brought up, the lessons we have been taught by our family and those around us.

My own experience has brought me to believe, I have been raised in a worried and anxious environment. My family have never been carefree, they suffer more than most with stress and worry.

I see people around me portraying the qualities of those close to them, weather they have been surrounded by positivity or even a negative influence. Therefore we are all inevitably by products of our environment.

Daily I challenge myself to avoid certain thoughts and generally negativity, I have not totally accomplished this yet but I have come along way.

With faith and determination we can change our way of thinking and become the people we want to be.

Today I decided I should put everything into learning to drive.

A lot of the people around me are driving now, I should be able to get to where I want to without relying on others. I think this will make a massive difference to my life.

I hate having to wait to be taken places and not being able to leave when I want to. Not driving has restricted my life a lot so far, I am not prepared to let it continue to have this hold over me.

By nature I am very independent in what I do and when I do it but I do feel guilty for having to depend on other people for transport.

This is my challenge I have set myself. It will take time and perseverance but I know I can do this and more importantly I need to do this for me.

By nature I am a worrier. Anyone who has ever spent any length of time around me could tell you that.

When I do feel I have nothing weighing on my mind I manage to talk myself into something becoming an problem, most of the time I just incessantly worry about what could happen. I can’t remember the last time I was carefree.

Things would be so much easier if I could pin-point what triggers my worry and anxiety, I hate that it’s a big part of my life.

I used to find that I would try to problem solve in my head but then I got to realising that it was a never ending circle. It’s hard to understand constant worry unless you have been through it, my friends think I’m a constant complainer and negative person.

Sometimes I do find myself envying others, those we all know who never have a worry or care in the world. I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to wake-up without a thousand and one things playing on your mind.

Recently me and my partner have taken up spinning classes, we both really enjoy them and it gives me a buzz.

I was a gymnast for a long time, that was before I started working longer hours and having other commitments. It is important to me to keep my body toned, I’ve always been petite but I find it hard to get real firmness.

Motivation comes in bouts with me; I find it really hard to get myself in the right frame of mind for sport. Without a gym partner I think I would just not bother to go.

Its silly really because once I get there I really enjoy it.

After some thought I have realised, this is yet another area of my life in which I feel the need to depend on someone else. It is easy to rely on others for many things and that why I do it, because I can.

This is something I have to address along with the other fifty things on my list.

Learning to be my own person and enjoy my independence will be a big step in the right direction. I hate feeling lost without company, especially as I used to love being by myself because it gave me focus and contentment.

This poem is all about life and the challenges you will face along your journey.

It is not so much a biblical teaching for me but a life coaching and inspirational teaching. I do have faith but not in a greater being, only in myself and the greatness all around us.

Although people will perceive this poem to be religious relating this to the author, I do believe this is nothing more than an insight into a great mind and a life lived without fearing consequence.

I know the path; it is straight and narrow.

It is like the edge of a sword.

I rejoice to walk on it,

I weep when I slip.

God’s word is; “He who strives never perishes”.

I have implicit faith in the promise,

Though, therefore, from my weakness I fail a thousand times,

I shall not lose faith.

- Gandhi

When I was growing up I had this illusion, life would be simple and relatively straight forward.
The years went by and with every year cam a new set of complications and expectations.

It was then I started to realise life is hard and sometimes out of our control.

I had such high hopes for myself but now I can’t help but wonder, maybe I grew up in a bubble of hope and dreams.

At the risk of sounding a little over ambitious I always thought I would make a difference to the world. For me it was never about money or financial wealth but more spiritual wealth and selflessness.

My thoughts and dreams from when I was a child still stay with me now, however over time I have begun to lose sight of them.

Today I am fighting for what I believe in; me.