Depression Blog

My friends are a lot younger than me, well my female friends anyways. The girls I went to school with now have children or are married.

But I do have some friends that I am a lot closer to than others, I think age does make a massive difference at times.

People can appear so mature but underneath you still find that learning curve called growing up missing.

It is very hard for me because if I made the decision to not associate with these people I call friends due to their somewhat obvious lack of maturity then I could end up without friends.

I feel as though I don’t fit in to any circle right now as I’m either not a parent or I’m older and don’t have the same reckless nature.

This is why I so very often feel alone in a crowd of people.

Me and my partner have finally made the decision to get a mortgage and move in together. We had spoken about moving out previously but it always seemed like the wrong time for one reason or another.

If I am honest I had wondered if we would ever take this step.

We made the appointment to see a mortgage advisor who we know as a friend, he was very jovial and carefree. He just wanted us to sign on the dotted line for as much money as we could get, this was frightening really.

I think we both left the appointment feeling reflective and negative somewhat, my own personal feeling was one of worry and doubt. Luckily I think fate turned a corner for us and put us in the path of another independent mortgage advisor.

This appointment was more about what we wanted and what we could afford along with some personal advice. This gave me more confidence in him as he did seem to care; he asked questions about what we wanted and what we could afford to pay back on a monthly basis.

I would love to get a £200,000 mortgage and live somewhere really lavish and picturesque; the simple fact is I couldn’t afford it. We both said “As long as we can move in now as it stands, then that’s all that matters”.

It is really exciting and I am so nervous too, it is a big step for us even though we’ve felt ready to take for a while. Both our lives are really going to change. We are going to become an adult couple in my eyes instead of a somewhat child like boyfriend/girlfriend.

You may think me silly to think like this, laying the foundations are the most important part to any stage in a relationship.

This is such a lovely poem; when reading it I can’t help but question if I am as good a friend as I should be.

You can’t put a value of friendship and what great rewards are brought to you by having someone care. Friendship is a bond in which you give not to receive but because you care.

Be a friend. You don’t need money;
Just a disposition sunny;
Just the wish to help another
Get along some way or other;
Just a kindly hand extended
Out to one who’s un-befriended;
Just the will to give or lend,
This will make you someone’s friend.

Be a friend. You don’t need glory.
Friendship is a simple story.
Pass by trifling errors blindly,
Gaze on honest effort kindly,
Cheer the youth who’s bravely trying,
Pity him who’s sadly sighing;
Just a little labour spend
On the duties of a friend.

Be a friend. The pay is bigger
(Though not written by a figure)
Than is earned by people clever
In what’s merely self-endeavour.
You’ll have friends instead of neighbours
For the profits of your labours;
You’ll be richer in the end
Than a prince, if you’re a friend.

- Edgar A. Guest

Life is what you make of it; as are most situations. You must take strength in the fact you trust the decisions you make.

This quote gives me hope and understanding that we don’t always get things right, as long as we learn from our mistakes no-one will judge us.

It is very difficult to go back and make a brand new start,
But you can always start from now and make a brand new ending.

- Anonymous

People who suffer from depression will often feel helpless and out of control.

This type of helplessness is triggered by depression and is ultimately fed by the lack of control they feel toward their life and everyday situations.

However, there are two types of people when it comes to control; those who like to have control and those who are indifferent. Helplessness during depressive episodes typically affects both types of people in very different ways.

People less concerned with having control- They will believe that they are unable to take control of every day situations, feeling overwhelmed and lost. This person will then stop functioning as normal and become unable to enjoy activities and socialising.

People who feel they need control – These people will try to control things they can’t, in turn this will cause them to assume responsibility for things out of their control. Carrying all this guilt and responsibility will often lead to frustration, anger and anxiety.

Helplessness is not always due to a lack of external control over a situation, sometimes people feel helplessness over a lack of internal control over their own thoughts and feelings.

Common thought patterns lead to both external and internal helplessness, unfortunately unless you are able to break these patterns your situation is not going to change. We all know there are many solutions to each problem we face, sadly depression rarely lets you see them.

Help from a councillor or psychiatrist has been proven most beneficial to those suffering with the feeling of helplessness. The route taken is one of understanding and reprogramming your thought process.

A therapist will increase the responses given to you by your thought processes, so this will enable you to find solutions to your problems and gain control. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and seeing no way out, you will be able to stay calm and take control of the situation without feeling trapped and helpless.

It is so easy to forget that the seed of helplessness is bred into us from an early age, because this is something we learn in life it is something we can change with professional help.

Some days I am sure I have alternate personalities, I can feel so strongly about something one day but change my mind the next.

Its the sheer indecision that breaks me most of the time though, right down to what to wear or what to do.

Hours of my life are spent not knowing what to wear, often I get myself so worked up over simple every day tasks that it seems almost pointless leaving the house.

It isn’t fun going to see my friends anymore as I just dread that same day old problem what to wear, I end up breaking down amongst a pile of clothes on the floor.

Why can I not do the simplest of every day tasks without just crippling myself with worry and indecision.

I first read this book 4 years ago when I was coming out of a bad phase in my depression, I found it offered a fascinating insight into our thought processes together with our feelings and how people suffering from depression can misinterpret their own emotions.

To read a book like this and get the most out of it does require a certain element of commitment but you will reap the rewards later.

Overcoming Depression is a very practical book that need’s to be read slowly in order to absorb all the information and get a true understanding of the advice given.

An immensely popular book with over 18 positive reviews on Amazon which in turn speaks for itself.

I found myself frequently thinking Paul Gilbert has really understood that when you are feeling your lowest one of the hardest things to do is actually read a book.

This book would be a greater asset to you if you combined it with cognitive behavioural therapy, there are frequent suggestions made within this book towards restructuring your thought processes and challenging your mind.

After reading this book I couldn’t help but think I was quite naturally challenging my negative thoughts.

Where to get Overcoming Depression

Purchase Overcoming Depression on Amazon.com

Purchase Overcoming Depression on Amazon.co.uk

I wish if only for a moment, the people around me would notice me.

Have you ever felt like you are talking to someone, yet they are only looking through you.

With every day I feel every which way.

Do you look at me, but see a shadow of the person I used to be.

Routine is a key part of everybody’s life and it is especially important for those suffering from depression. Start small and then gradually build up your own expectations of what you feel you can do within your day, there is a big difference between difficult and impossible.

Remember that withdrawal and decreased routine is a common early indicator of depression, therefore it is easy to understand why routine is the obvious first step to accomplish.

At this stage it is important that you understand small steps are fine. Once you have listed each step in your daily routine, you will find your already well on the way to recovery.

Here are the steps to help in your recovery:

Regular routine enables you to function better
Set yourself small daily tasks you feel you can do. Write them down and don’t worry if you don’t want to do them, this is fine just do them anyway.

Challenging your sleep and wake cycle
Set a routine for the time you go to bed and the time you awake. If you find you are struggling with your sleep pattern don’t break in to the habit of sleeping in the day. Maintaining this routine will ultimately help you reach your goal.

Make regular exercise part of your routine
You should build exercise into your daily routine as this is proven to motivate and also promotes better sleep.

Build your routine around your daily chores
Allow a certain amount of time each day to do your house-hold chores. Avoid setting aside a specific day each week to do this as it can easily become overwhelming. Instead break them down into smaller more manageable daily tasks.

Organise your meals and eat regularly
Set yourself specific time’s each day to plan and make your meals.

Do things you enjoy
Encourage yourself to do things you enjoy or used to enjoy. By doing this it will make your daily routine that bit easier. Your depression may not lift immediately but the benefits will soon become apparent.

Encourage yourself to keep working
Although you may feel you can’t face work, it is a big part of your daily life and routine. It is easier to add to your daily routine than it is to start from scratch.

Fitting your family and friends into your routine
It is very easy for someone to distract you from your routine. Arrange a set day and time each week to see your family and friends, this will ensure your other daily routines are not disrupted.

Television and the programmes you love
Take the time to watch the programmes you love, and don’t feel guilty about sofa time being part of your routine. Organise the days and times your favourite programmes are on, sit back and enjoy.

The following is one of my daily routines:

Ultimately organisation is the key to forming any routine in your life. Once you have built the foundations and listed each task in your daily routine, it will then become second nature to you.

It does worry me that I do depend on my boyfriend, this makes me feel a bit helpless at times.

Then I just find myself wondering is this the same for everyone or just for those with depression?

Maybe it isn’t about that at all, maybe it is just about me and the way I am as a person.

I know I can do things without him, and I know I am a remarkable person because of what I have been through and how much stronger I feel because of that.

Strength comes from within and I know I am able to be strong for myself, but I also know he will be strong for me too.

Maybe it isn’t that I depend on him, just I rely on him for certain mental support. I don’t know if this is a positive thing though or a negative thing.

I am certain we all rely on someone at some point for something, so this makes me feel less worried about my needs.